1055+Hilarious Baby Jokes That Are Rattling With

If you’re a new parent, a fun aunt or uncle, or just love adorable humor, our 1055+ baby jokes will have you giggling like it’s nap time at daycare.

From bottle chuckles to diaper puns, these jokes are squeaky-clean, ridiculously relatable, and totally wallow-worthy. Let’s rattle your funny bone—one baby joke at a time!

Tell Me a Baby Joke

👶 Why did the baby bring a ladder to daycare? Because it wanted to go to high school!
🍼 What do you call a baby potato? A small fry!
👶 Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its parents were in a jam!
🍼 What’s a baby’s favorite type of music? Rock-a-bye baby!
👶 Why don’t babies ever win hide and seek? Because they always peek-a-boo!
🍼 What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s popcorn?
👶 Why was the baby computer crying? It had a virus!
🍼 What game do babies love most? Rattle snake!
👶 Why did the baby go to jail? For resisting a-rest!
🍼 How do babies flirt? They go goo-goo over you!
👶 What did the baby say to the diaper? You crack me up!
🍼 Why don’t babies like iPhones? They prefer babble apps!
👶 What’s a baby’s favorite sport? Cry-ket!
🍼 Why was the baby sitting on the clock? It wanted to be on time!
👶 What’s a baby’s favorite subject? Nap time-ometry!

Matter Baby Joke

🧪 What’s the matter, baby? You look like you’ve seen a diaper explosion!
🤔 You ever heard of a matter baby? What’s a matter baby? Not much, what’s the matter with you?
🧪 What’s the matter baby? Can’t handle a little milk spill?
🤔 Matter baby? Sounds like dark matter… nobody understands it!
🧪 Matter baby’s always crying… must be heavy on emotions!
🤔 What’s the matter baby? Diaper full or just drama queen?
🧪 Matter baby: physics’ cutest experiment!
🤔 If you don’t know what a matter baby is, you haven’t babysat!
🧪 It’s a matter, baby… of nap time!
🤔 What’s the matter baby? Jealous of the big kids again?
🧪 Matter baby: the science of sass and spit-up.
🤔 Did someone say matter baby? I thought you meant madder baby!
🧪 Matter baby jokes? Only if you can handle them!
🤔 What’s the matter baby? Missing your 2 AM bottle?
🧪 Matter baby = formula + sass².

Tell Us a Baby Joke

👶 What’s a baby’s favorite vegetable? Carrot-top!
🍼 Why did the baby sleep on the keyboard? It wanted to enter a dream!
👶 What do you get when you cross a baby with a cat? A purrfect little screamer!
🍼 Why did the baby go to art school? To draw more attention!
👶 What’s a baby’s favorite button? Snooze!
🍼 Why did the baby take a ruler to bed? To see how long it slept!
👶 What do babies use to surf the web? The bib-browser!
🍼 Why did the baby join the circus? It already knew how to cry on cue!
👶 What’s a baby’s favorite snack? Rattle chips!
🍼 Why do babies always look so surprised? Because life just began!
👶 What did the baby say to the pacifier? You complete me!
🍼 What’s the baby’s motto? Eat. Sleep. Cry. Repeat.
👶 Why did the baby bring a pencil to nap time? To draw dreams!
🍼 How do babies pay for stuff? With baby bucks!
👶 Why did the baby bring toilet paper to school? For a clean start!

Funny Baby Joke

😂 Why did the baby cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
👶 What do you call a dancing baby? Boogie woogie!
😂 Why was the baby sitting in the refrigerator? It wanted to be a cool baby!
👶 How do you stop a baby from crying? Play peek-a-boo till you drop!
😂 Why did the baby throw the clock out the window? It wanted to see time fly!
👶 What’s a baby’s favorite part of a joke? The giggle!
😂 What do babies and comedians have in common? Timing!
👶 Why do babies love gossip? Because they’re always babbling!
😂 What did the baby say after a long day? Wahhhh-lcome home!
👶 What’s a baby’s favorite show? Cribflix!
😂 How do babies text? Goo-goo-Gboard!
👶 What did the baby wear to the party? A bib and a smile!
😂 What do you call a baby who’s good at games? A pro-toddler!
👶 Why did the baby get promoted? It took big steps!
😂 Why did the baby stare at the orange juice? It couldn’t concentrate!

Knock Knock Baby Jokes

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Baby. Baby who? Baby you should let me in, it’s nap time.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry, baby, it’s just a joke!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pacifier. Pacifier who? Pacifier your patience, I’ll stop crying soon.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Baby food. Baby food who? Baby food tastes better than broccoli.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rattle. Rattle who? Rattle you awake if you don’t open the door.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Baby steps. Baby steps who? Baby steps to the door and let me in.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Baby bottle. Baby bottle who? Baby bottle of milk, please—I’m starving!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stroller. Stroller who? Stroller me inside, it’s nap time.

Funny Baby Jokes for Adults

Why don’t babies ever get fired? They’re too small to handle responsibility.
Why did the baby cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer too long.
Why do babies always drool? Because they can’t spell saliva.
Why did the baby bring a ladder to daycare? To reach new heights in playtime.
Why don’t babies tell secrets? Because they just rattle everything out.
Why was the baby strawberry upset? Because its parents were in a jam.
Why do babies always giggle? Because they’re getting their jokes straight from the crib.
Why did the baby cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

Knock Knock Baby Jokes One Liners

Knock, knock. Baby says “goo-goo.” That’s it, joke’s over.
Knock, knock. Baby’s asleep—don’t you dare answer.
Knock, knock. Baby pooped… and ran.
Knock, knock. Baby’s diaper called—it’s a full house.
Knock, knock. Baby teeth incoming—watch your fingers.
Knock, knock. Baby steps, adult mess.
Knock, knock. Baby’s first words: “Open up already!”
Knock, knock. Baby humor—it’s a rattle and roll.

Dead Baby Joke

☠️ What’s red and swings through the jungle? A dead baby on a vine.
🪦 What’s worse than ten dead babies in one bin? One baby in ten bins.
☠️ What’s blue and flies over the mountains? A dead baby in a helium balloon.
🪦 What’s red and white and climbs up walls? A dead baby with forks in its hands.
☠️ What do you get when you microwave a baby? A Hot Pocket.
🪦 What’s the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can’t unload bowling balls with a pitchfork.
☠️ Why did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.
🪦 What’s red and sits in the corner? A baby playing with a razor.
☠️ How do you make a dead baby float? Add two scoops of ice cream.
🪦 What’s red, bubbling, and taps on glass? A baby in a microwave.
☠️ How do you know when a baby is dead? The dog plays with it more.
🪦 What’s the difference between a watermelon and a baby? I don’t juggle watermelons.
☠️ Why do you always drive slower in a school zone? Dead baby speed bumps.
🪦 What’s red, white, and over the fence? A dead baby thrown by a snowblower.
☠️ What’s the hardest part about cooking a dead baby? Getting the stroller in the oven.

Conclusion

Laughter can be the best medicine—even when it comes in a diaper-sized dose! If you came here for classic baby humor, edgy jokes, or a dose of wit with a twist, we hope you left with a smile.

Remember, humor is powerful—use it wisely and kindly, especially when joking about sensitive topics. And don’t forget, no matter the joke, babies are always the center of attention!