If you’re a fan of classic one-liners, wild setups, or ridiculous punchlines, this updated collection of 710+ bar jokes delivers non-stop comedy straight from the barstool.
Perfect for happy hour, party banter, or just lightening the mood, these jokes are shaken, stirred, and guaranteed to hit the funny bone. Get ready to raise a glass—and a laugh
Walk Into a Bar Joke
- 🚶♂️ A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer… and a mop.
- 🚶♀️ A giraffe walks into a bar. Bartender says, Why the long neck?
- 🚶 A magician walks into a bar, then disappears without paying.
- 🚶♂️ A robot walks into a bar. Bartender says, We don’t serve your kind. Robot short-circuits.
- 🚶♀️ A ghost walks into a bar. Bartender says, We don’t serve spirits here.
- 🚶 A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender says, You know you’ve got a wheel in your pants? Pirate says, Aye, it’s drivin’ me nuts!
- 🚶♂️ A bear walks into a bar and says, I’ll have a… beer. Bartender says, Why the big pause? Bear says, I was born with them.
- 🚶 A guy walks into a bar holding a chunk of asphalt. He says, One for me, and one for the road.
- 🚶♀️ A duck walks into a bar and asks for grapes. Bartender says, We don’t have any. Duck comes back daily.
- 🚶 A nun walks into a bar and orders a gin and tonic. The end times are near.
- 🚶♂️ A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. Bartender says, What is this, a joke?
- 🚶 A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, Why the long face?
- 🚶♀️ A snail walks into a bar. Bartender kicks him out. Snail comes back a year later: What’d you do that for?
- 🚶 A fish walks into a bar. Bartender yells, Gills can’t walk!
- 🚶♂️ A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. Bartender says, Don’t start anything.
Duck Walks Into a Bar Joke
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar and asks, Got any grapes?
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar and pays with a bill.
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar. Bartender says, Why the waddle?
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar and says, Put it on my tab.
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar with wet feet. Bartender says, You’re puddling my floor!
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar with shades. Says, Just here to quack open a cold one.
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar. Bartender says, You again?
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar and orders wine. The cork quacks.
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar and gets carded.
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar wearing boots. Says, It’s muddy out there!
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar with a chicken. Bartender says, New joke setup?
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar. Bartender says, You quack me up.
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar and starts a tab, then waddles out.
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar and orders bread. Every. Single. Time.
- 🦆 A duck walks into a bar… bartender just sighs.
Sumerian Bar Joke
- 🏺 A Sumerian walks into a tavern and orders beer… in cuneiform.
- 🏺 Bartender says, We only serve Mesopotamians.
- 🏺 The Sumerian tips in clay tablets.
- 🏺 Beer foam was considered a sign of divine favor.
- 🏺 A goat walks into a ziggurat tavern—gets sacrificed.
- 🏺 The bartender is also the priest, the brewer, and the tax collector.
- 🏺 A Sumerian laughs. It’s the first recorded joke.
- 🏺 They say the stronger the beer, the closer to the gods.
- 🏺 The Sumerian asks for a pint. Bartender gives a whole jug.
- 🏺 A ziggurat bouncer throws out a drunk scribe.
- 🏺 They used reeds as straws for communal beer pots.
- 🏺 A Sumerian asks, Why did the goat refuse beer? It was already baaa-rred.
- 🏺 Beer was safer than water. Even the gods drank it.
- 🏺 One Sumerian says, My wife brews better. The bar clears out.
- 🏺 The tavern had no lights, but divine laughter lit the room.
3 Guys Walk Into a Bar Joke
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth ducks.
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar and start arguing… about who pays.
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar and leave with no memory.
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar, and two leave—guess who passed out?
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar. Bartender says, Trouble just tripled.
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar—one’s the designated driver… bless him.
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar. One says, Let’s open our own bar!
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar, each with a different accent. Comedy gold.
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar. One orders water… and gets judged.
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar. Bartender says, Poker night’s in the back.
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar. Jukebox dies immediately.
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar and toast to bad decisions.
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar. One leaves with the bartender’s number.
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar and start a podcast.
- 🍻 Three guys walk into a bar. Two are comedians, one’s just confused.
Monkey Bar Joke
- 🐒 A monkey walks into a bar and swings into the chandelier.
- 🐒 Bartender says, Not again.
- 🐒 Monkey orders a banana daiquiri.
- 🐒 Monkey tips in jungle coins.
- 🐒 Monkey opens a tab with stolen credit.
- 🐒 Monkey drinks and starts flinging… peanuts.
- 🐒 Monkey climbs onto the pool table and declares war.
- 🐒 Bartender installs banana lockbox.
- 🐒 Monkey says, I came here to monkey around.
- 🐒 Monkey enters karaoke night. It’s wild.
- 🐒 Monkey steals the jukebox remote.
- 🐒 Bartender hides all shiny objects.
- 🐒 Monkey opens its own bar: Monkey Business.
- 🐒 Monkey swings away with someone’s date.
- 🐒 Monkey never pays. Ever.
Conclusion
Bar jokes never go out of style—they evolve, get more creative, and somehow keep us laughing no matter how many versions we’ve heard.
If it’s a duck, a Sumerian, or three guys making poor life choices, these jokes bring joy and laughter across generations and cultures.
Use them to lighten the mood, break the ice, or just have a good chuckle. Remember: in comedy, timing is everything—and in bar jokes, timing is hilarious.
