1700+ Football Jokes So Funny, Even the Ref Will Smile

Puns And Jokes

8 min read

If you’re a die-hard fan or just here for the halftime snacks, these 1700+ football jokes are a total touchdown! 🏈

From locker room laughs to game day giggles, we’ve got jokes that’ll make any crowd roar.

Perfect for parties, posts, or roasting your fantasy league.
No flags, no fouls — just non-stop laughs!

Fart Football Joke

💨 Why did the football team bring air freshener? Because someone kept running a “silent but deadly” defense!
💨 He tried to pass the ball, but passed gas instead—now that’s offensive!
💨 The coach benched him… for roughing the air!
💨 That wasn’t a blitz, it was a butt-blast!
💨 He got flagged for excessive flatulence in the huddle.
💨 That wasn’t a fumble—it was a gas leak!
💨 Defensive line? More like defensive smell!
💨 His touchdown dance was just him trying to shake it out!
💨 They called him the Gas Mask Linebacker.
💨 The locker room had more flags than the field—thanks to burrito night.
💨 The QB said hike and his pants replied!
💨 Halftime show: interpretive dance… and accidental gas explosions.
💨 His pre-game ritual? Beans and regret.
💨 He caused more blowouts off the field than on it.
💨 Fartball: America’s new least favorite sport.

Football Joke for Kids

🧒 Why did the football team go to the bakery? Because they needed a good roll!
🧒 What kind of tea do football players drink? Penal-tea!
🧒 Why did the football player bring string to the game? To tie the score!
🧒 Why did the football player go to school? To get a quarterback!
🧒 What do you call a dinosaur that plays football? A tackle-saurus!
🧒 Why was the stadium so cool? It was filled with fans!
🧒 Why did the football go to therapy? It had too much pressure!
🧒 How do football players stay cool? They stand near the fans!
🧒 Why did the football player bring a ladder? To reach the high score!
🧒 What’s a ghost’s favorite football position? Ghoulback!
🧒 Why did the football team eat chalk? Because they wanted to draw a play!
🧒 What do you call an invisible football team? The phantom offense!
🧒 Why was the tiny ghost great at football? He had team spirit!
🧒 What’s a football player’s favorite dessert? Goal-den brownies!
🧒 Why didn’t the skeleton play football? He didn’t have the guts!

Bob Uecker Football Joke

🎙️ “I once tried playing football… missed the tackle and ended up hugging a cheerleader—best play of my life!”
🎙️ “My football career was short. Real short. Like my stats.”
🎙️ “Coach told me I was a tackling machine. Too bad I was tackling our own guys!”
🎙️ “I was so bad, the other team started passing me the ball out of pity.”
🎙️ “Only time I ever made a touchdown… was in a video game!”
🎙️ “They said I had a nose for the ball… which is why I broke it.”
🎙️ “I had hands like glue—when the ball wasn’t involved.”
🎙️ “I made more headlines for my interviews than my gameplay.”
🎙️ “I was on the team for comic relief—true story!”
🎙️ “I didn’t get benched. I started on the bench!”
🎙️ “They called me the 12th man, even though I was only good for snacks.”
🎙️ “I played tight end… and stayed tightly on the bench.”
🎙️ “I only ran fast when the buffet opened.”
🎙️ “Coach said I had a future in football—watching it, not playing it.”
🎙️ “Most yards I ever gained was walking to the locker room.”

Funny Football Joke

😂 Why don’t grasshoppers play football? They’re afraid of the blitz!
😂 I told my wife I was the quarterback. She said, “You’re more of a couchback.”
😂 The football team’s diet? Fast food.
😂 I asked Siri to help me play football. She replied, “I’m not that smart.”
😂 Why did the football player take ballet? To improve his end zone dances!
😂 Ref threw a flag… for bad fashion choices.
😂 What’s a football player’s favorite type of music? Hip-hop blocks!
😂 Why did the chicken join the football team? To cross the goal line!
😂 Football and politics: both full of flags!
😂 He brought a mirror to the game—to watch himself score!
😂 The team lost power mid-game. Turns out they were offensive!
😂 He called his cleats “wheels”—until he tripped on his shoelaces.
😂 That moment when the mascot has more hustle than your team.
😂 The only thing he tackled was the snack table.
😂 “We’re undefeated!” he said—before the season started.

Fantasy Football Joke

🧙 My fantasy football team is so bad, it qualifies as fiction.
🧙 I drafted a defense, but they were all on vacation.
🧙 Fantasy football? More like fantasy disappointment!
🧙 I’m great at fantasy—just not at football.
🧙 My quarterback scored more on Twitter than on the field.
🧙 My tight end is emotionally unavailable.
🧙 I picked my team based on zodiac signs. Guess how that went?
🧙 I benched the wrong guy. Again.
🧙 My fantasy team plays like it’s a dream… a nightmare.
🧙 I won one game. Against my grandma.
🧙 My kicker scored more points than my QB—again.
🧙 I drafted with my heart. Should’ve used my brain.
🧙 My bench has more stars than my starters.
🧙 I renamed my team to “Next Year’s Champs.”
🧙 Fantasy football: where heartbreak is simulated weekly.

Football Joke of the Day

📆 Why did the football team go to art class? To learn how to draw plays!
📆 What’s a quarterback’s favorite type of candy? Snickers!
📆 What’s harder to catch than a football? A cold during training camp!
📆 How do linemen stay in shape? Tackle cardio!
📆 Why did the player bring a blanket? Because he got benched!
📆 What did the football say to the punter? You crack me up!
📆 What do you call a football player with no skills? A bench warmer!
📆 Why did the football team visit the bank? To get their quarterback!
📆 What do you call 53 millionaires watching the Super Bowl? The Dallas Cowboys!
📆 What’s a football player’s favorite part of a joke? The punchline!
📆 Why was the ref always calm? Because he knew how to call it.
📆 Why did the player take a nap on the field? He needed a timeout!
📆 What’s the best way to win at football? Cheat—just kidding!
📆 What’s a wide receiver’s favorite dance move? The catch step!
📆 Why do football players love drama class? They know how to act hurt!

Tell Me a Football Joke

🤔 Tell me a football joke? Okay—Why don’t football teams play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding with shoulder pads!
🤔 Why did the football go to the doctor? It felt a bit deflated!
🤔 What did the coach say after the terrible game? Let’s blame the weather.
🤔 Why did the QB bring string to the game? To tie the score!
🤔 Knock knock! Who’s there? Touch. Touch who? Touchdown!
🤔 What do you call a football game with no rules? Chaos Bowl!
🤔 Why are ghosts bad at football? They can’t hold the ball!
🤔 What do you get when you cross football with ice cream? A cold shoulder tackle!
🤔 Why do football players never get hot? Because they always stay cool under pressure!
🤔 Why don’t skeletons play football? No backbone!
🤔 Tell me a joke? Okay, the Jets’ season.
🤔 What’s the difference between a bad team and a bad joke? Timing!
🤔 Why are football players great at math? They know how to calculate yards!
🤔 What’s the ref’s favorite drink? Penalty punch!
🤔 Why was the ball always nervous? Because it was always getting kicked around!

Short Football Jokes for Adults

Why don’t football players get hot? Because they have so many fans.
Why did the football player go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
Why was Cinderella so bad at football? Because she kept running away from the ball.
Why did the football team go to the bakery? They needed a good roll.
Why was the football stadium always hot? All the fans left.
What’s the hardest part about playing football? Getting the ball past the bar.
Why don’t football players ever get married? Because they can’t handle a ring.
Why do football players do well in school? Because they know how to pass.

Short Football Jokes for Kids

Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback!
Why can’t football players eat candy? Because they might get caught holding.
What kind of tea do football players drink? Penal-tea.
Why did the football team go to the party? To have a ball!
What runs around a football field but never moves? The fence.
Why don’t football players get lost? Because they always follow the goal line.
Why did the football player bring string to the game? To tie the score.
What do you call a football player with a pet lion? A goal keeper!

Football Jokes Dad Would Tell

I told my wife I wanted to watch football… she gave me the silent treatment. Best half-time show ever.
Why did the football coach go broke? He gave too many quarters away.
Why did the football player bring a pencil? To draw up a play.
Did you hear about the football team that couldn’t play cards? They kept getting caught with too many hands.
Why was the football book so sad? Too many turnovers.
I asked my dad what position he played in football. He said, “Left out.”
Why was the football team always in trouble? They kept passing notes.
My dad says football players have great manners… they’re always passing and kicking politely.

Lou Holtz Ohio State Football Joke

🏟️ Lou Holtz once said beating Ohio State is like finding gold—rare, but oh so satisfying.
🏟️ “Ohio State fans never get lost—they follow their team’s losses back home.”
🏟️ Lou: “Ohio State’s defense? Softer than grandma’s mashed potatoes.”
🏟️ “I’ve seen high school teams tackle better than Ohio State.”
🏟️ “Ohio State’s playbook is thinner than hotel toilet paper.”
🏟️ “They run the ball like they’re in slow motion.”
🏟️ “Playing Ohio State is like practice—with more flags.”
🏟️ “Ohio State’s mascot has more hustle than their linebackers.”
🏟️ “They call it ‘The Shoe’—because that’s where the coach kicks stuff.”
🏟️ “Every game against Ohio State is a free win—with snacks!”
🏟️ “Even their cheerleaders have better hands than the wide receivers.”
🏟️ “Ohio State’s strategy? Confuse the other team by confusing themselves first.”
🏟️ “Lou says: If you want to beat Ohio State, just show up.”
🏟️ “They huddle just to catch their breath.”
🏟️ “Their highlight reel is just the halftime show.”