560+Roast Jokes for Every Crowd

If you’re dishing it out at a roast battle, playfully jabbing your bestie, or just looking to bring the heat to your next group chat—these roast jokes are fire

From fearless one-liners to clever burns that cut deep (but make you laugh harder), we’ve gathered the ultimate collection of roasts that are bold, witty, and totally viral in 2025. Just remember:

it’s all in good fun… unless you can’t take the heat. 😉

A Good Roast Joke

😂 You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room
🤭 You’re like a cloud—when you disappear, it’s a beautiful day
😆 You have something on your chin… no, the third one down
😂 You have something on your face… oh wait, that’s just your face
😬 You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed, but hey, at least you’re in the shed
🫣 Your secrets are always safe with me—I never even listen
🤣 You’re like a software update—always annoying and never needed
😅 You’re the reason shampoo bottles have instructions
🤓 You have something in common with a broken pencil—pointless
🧠 Your brain is on vacation and forgot to send a postcard
😂 If I had a dollar for every smart thing you said, I’d be broke
🤯 You’re not completely useless… you can still serve as a bad example
🥴 Your mirror must be broken—it keeps lying to you
😹 You bring people together… so they can roast you as a group

Best Roast Joke

🤣 You’re the reason why they put directions on Pop-Tarts
😏 If I wanted to kill myself, I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ
😂 You’re not ugly—you just have a face for radio
🥴 You have something special… it’s called low standards
😬 You’re proof that evolution can go in reverse
😆 You’re like a cloud—dense and always in the way
😩 You’re what happens when cousins marry
😅 Your family tree must be a cactus—full of pricks
🤢 Your voice makes onions cry
🤭 You bring nothing to the table… except complaints
😂 You’re like a web browser with 20 tabs open—confused, slow, and frozen
🤓 You act like you know everything, but that’s what makes you truly annoying
😹 You’re like a Netflix show—boring after five minutes
😵‍💫 You’re not even good at being bad

A Roast Joke

🤣 I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong
😂 You have something no one wants—your personality
😏 You’re like Monday—nobody likes you
🫣 Your Wi-Fi signal has better strength than your arguments
😆 You’re the human version of a typo
🥴 You couldn’t pour milk without making cereal sad
🤓 If you were any slower, you’d be in reverse
😹 You look like something I drew with my left hand
🤢 You’re like expired milk—no one wants to deal with you
😬 You’re a walking warning label
🤭 You have something on your shoulder… oh, it’s just bad decisions
😂 You’re the reason clowns have nightmares
🧠 Your thoughts have buffering issues
😵 You’re what happens when Photoshop crashes
🤣 You were born to be roasted

Kim Kardashian Roast Joke

💄 You’re more plastic than Barbie
👜 Your selfies have more makeup than a Broadway show
🤳 You put the “K” in “K-ontent overload”
😅 If I had a dollar for every filtered photo of yours, I’d be Kanye-rich
😂 Your reality show is more fiction than fantasy novels
🫣 You changed more faces than a makeup tutorial
🤓 Your personality is sponsored
🥴 You have more assistants than actual talents
💋 You’re the queen of filters—every snap is catfish
📸 Your camera roll needs therapy
👛 You turned being famous for nothing into a business model
😹 Your best acting was pretending to cry
🧠 You’re living proof that fame doesn’t require skills
😆 You make contouring look like witchcraft
🤢 Even your emojis wear makeup

Robert Kraft Roast Joke

🏈 You love football almost as much as you love… “spa days”
💼 You’re proof that age doesn’t equal wisdom
😂 You have more scandals than Super Bowl rings
🫣 Your massage receipts deserve their own trophy
😏 Even Brady couldn’t deflate your ego
🤢 You make the Patriots look innocent
😆 You love tight ends… on and off the field
😬 Your personal life is a penalty flag
🧠 You got caught more times than your team fumbled
😅 You’re the real reason for “instant replay”
🤣 Your reputation is like your suit—wrinkled and shady
🫠 Your wallet is heavier than your dignity
📸 TMZ loves you more than Belichick
😂 Even Deflategate has more credibility
😵 You’re one massage away from a Netflix documentary

Good Roasts That Hurt

😂 You bring people together… mostly to talk about how annoying you are.
🤦 Your secrets are safe with me. I never even listen when you tell them.
😏 You have something on your face… oh wait, that’s just your personality.
🥴 You have something most people don’t… bad vibes in HD.
🙃 You’re proof that even evolution takes breaks sometimes.
😬 Don’t worry, looks aren’t everything… in your case, they’re nothing.
🤷 You have two brain cells left… and they’re on airplane mode.
😑 You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.

Good Roasts That Rhyme

🤭 You say you’re the best, but let’s be true—Wi-Fi signals last longer than you.
😂 You think you’re fire, but you’re just smoke—your life’s a setup, and you’re the joke.
🙃 You talk so much, you never rest—yet silence is when you’re at your best.
😏 Roses are red, violets are blue, Google’s got answers, but nothing for you.
🤦 You act like a king, but wear no crown—everyone claps when you’re not around.
😬 You flex so hard, but it’s all pretend—even your shadow won’t call you friend.
🤷 You brag too much, but can’t deliver—you’re like free Wi-Fi by the river.
😂 You think you’re sharp, but that’s absurd—my fridge light has brighter words.

Good Roasts That Hurt Clean

🤔 You’re like a cloud—when you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
🙃 I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.
😂 You bring everyone down… like a bad Wi-Fi signal.
😏 Don’t worry, being forgettable is still a talent.
🤦 You’re living proof that even mistakes can stick around.
😬 You remind me of a software update—always there, never helpful.
😑 You have something in common with math homework—nobody wants to deal with you.

British Roast Joke

☕ You call that tea? Even your insults are weak
😂 You make fish and chips look boring
🫖 Your fashion sense is more outdated than the monarchy
😬 You’re the human version of Brexit—confusing and disappointing
🇬🇧 Even your humor needs subtitles
🥴 You roast like it’s tea time—mild and lukewarm
🤭 You put the “meh” in Westminster
😅 Your accent is the only charming thing about you
😆 You’ve got more drama than the Royal Family
📺 You belong on a canceled BBC sitcom
🧠 You’re not clever, just posh and loud
🫣 You’re like mushy peas—nobody asked for you
🤢 You have the personality of a scone—dry and crumbly
😂 If sarcasm was a sport, you’d still lose

Conclusion

Roast jokes walk the fine line between hilarious and fearless, making them the perfect tool to shock, charm, or challenge your friends—especially when turned into clever pick-up lines.

If you’re mocking a celeb, a buddy, or even yourself, remember that the best roasts are playful, not painful. Use them with wit, not malice, and you’ll always steal the spotlight.